Healer

This poem was written in 2018 for Estoterotica, a New Orleans-based show for erotic readings by local writers. The live recording of that reading can now be found in Esoterotica’s “Healing” episode of the new digital show available on YouTube, Spotify, iTunes, and most other places podcasts are found. I encourage you to listen to the recorded version, and the works of my talented fellow provocateurs. 

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Healer

sluts make great healers
provocative dealers
in the medicine of touch
it’s interesting just how differently
the benefits of sluttery are seen
as if someone using sex to be helpful
is a cry for help in itself
but promiscuity isn’t a problem
if a person isn’t losing themselves
and a surgeon who needed surgery
wouldn’t be a sign of weakness, would it?

my medicine doesn’t need
a spoonful of sugar
I lose nothing
when I take someone who feels unlovable
into my arms
to reacquaint them with
their very lovable selves
I lose nothing
when someone who can’t let go of their last love
needs something here, something now,
something so present and intense
that it lays down the first buffering layer
between the past and tomorrow
I lose nothing
when someone scarred by parasitic people
needs a giver
I can give
my love, like yours, is infinite

“When is it your turn?”
a friend asked me
What did she mean?
“When is it your turn…to be rescued?”

Oh, darling I
don’t need rescuing from this thing
I love giving
I don’t lose, I gain
when I give it compounds in interest
it grows to an exponent
I am not suffering
I am not sitting and waiting
to be rescued like a
damsel in distress
I am
parading
and adding revelers to my marching fest
every step of the way
the more the merrier
I’m not waiting my turn
this is my goddamned show
and everyone in it knows
that they are free to come and go
in this life of love
baby, if there’s anything I’ve learned
it’s to not sit and wait my turn
we all deserve love
and those who say it isn’t true
are just here to watch the world burn
fuck that.
dance. love.
find the giver in you and give your heart out

“But if you keep giving yourself away,
won’t you lose too much of you?”

You still don’t see
I am a raging, blazing bonfire
fueled by life itself
wielding my sexuality both confidently
and casually
carefree
burning brightly enough
to light up those
around me
and potentially even burn
those who get too close
without taking care
but if you want some of my flame
lean in, don’t rush,
and hold your candle out where I can touch
what you take will not lessen my heat
will not make me burn any less bright
and if you carry my light
and use it to ignite a flame in others
I would be honored
I encourage you to light more fires
but no,
me and my fire don’t need rescuing
if anything we sometimes need taming
when the flames lick at the edges of control
singeing, however unintentionally, those around us
please, call me out, hold me back
I mean no harm

by the way,
slutty healer or not
you have fire, too
and the power to ignite the fumes
of someone’s needs and desires
so embrace and share your fire
you won’t lose
give your heart out